


because of her

by helsinkibaby



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Angst, Community: comment_fic, F/M, Het, Rare Pair, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 16:01:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9827738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helsinkibaby/pseuds/helsinkibaby
Summary: When Cisco makes Caitlin tell her secret, Joe uncovers a secret of a different kind.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [boomersoonerash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/gifts).



> http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/788406.html?thread=101887158#t101887158  
> Theme: secrets  
> Prompt: The Flash, Caitlin Snow/Joe West, Caitlin knows she's becoming Killer Frost

Joe knew he shouldn't be wasting his time at STAR Labs. After all, he had a captain to talk to, a SWAT team to organise a son to save and, at the very least, a date that he needed to check in on. 

He knew all that and still he found himself walking into the Speed Lab, looking around carefully before he entered to check if anyone had seen him coming down there. Satisfied that the coast was clear, he took a deep breath and walked inside, not the least bit surprised to see Caitlin sitting on one of the risers, her arms around her knees, her chin resting on her arms. She looked lost in thought and she jumped when he sat down beside her, which confirmed his suspicions - it had always been hard to break through when she was really concentrating on something. Trying to figure out new and ever inventive ways of doing it had been one of his favourite hobbies for a while there. 

"I thought you'd be heading back to headquarters." Her voice sounded stuffy, like she had a head cold, and her eyes were red with tears she was refusing to cry. 

"I am." He took a deep breath, laced his fingers together so that he wouldn't do anything foolish like put his arm around her shoulder, reach out and take her hand in his. "But I needed to check on something first."

"I'm fine." Except she didn't look it, didn't sound it and the familiarity of that made him chuckle. 

"Caitlin, you may be many things..." She looked up at him sharply and his next words, "... but you're still a terrible liar," made her laugh because they obviously weren't what she was expecting to hear. 

"You're right," she said simply, lifting one hand as plumes of mist emerged from it. He shivered from cold, not fear, and she set her jaw, clenched her fist tightly. The cold mist disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared but the cold, the chill that went right to the marrow of Joe's bones, didn't. "I'm terrified, Joe... I can feel her... inside me... and sometimes... she comes out." A shudder wracks her body and she wraps her arms around her knees again, almost curling in on herself. 

Something pulled painfully in his chest and he squeezed his hands together tightly. "You know Barry and Cisco are gonna do all they can to help you." 

"I know." She gave him a tiny smile that only made her feel worse. "I'm just afraid it won't be enough." 

Joe swallowed hard, took a deep breath. "Caitlin... when did this all start?"

Caitlin blinked, looked down. "A few months ago," she admitted quietly, and that answered his next question, the real reason he'd come down here looking for her.

He asked it anyway. 

"A few months ago... like when you told me we couldn't see each other anymore?" 

She bit her lip and that answered that. "Joe..."

"You told me that you didn't see a future for us... that if Iris found out, it'd be another thing that she'd be angry at me for, another thing I hadn't told her..." He could still see her, saying those words as he'd just stared, speechless, as he watched her walk away from him. "Was it because of this?"

Caitlin pressed her lips together so tightly that they were a thin, bloodless line. "Does it matter?" she asked and when his jaw dropped, she continued, "You have Cecile now." There was a slightly bitter twist to her lips that hadn't been there at Hofherr Park when she'd greeted Cecile with a smile and a handshake. "And I'm happy for you, Joe, I am..."

"That doesn't answer my question." He wasn't going to let her away with not answering, not when it was so important to him. "Are your powers the reason why you told me we couldn't see each other?"

Caitlin sucked in a sharp breath, looked heavenward as her eyes suddenly sparkled with tears. "Of course they are." Her whisper echoed around the Speed Lab and his heart seemed to stop and then stutter painfully to life again. "Joe, you know... you have to know... after I lost Ronnie, I never thought I'd find someone..." She stopped, dropped her head into her hands. "But I didn't want you to see what I was becoming..."

"You think that would scare me?" 

"It should." She met his eyes then and the dread, the pain that he saw there, broke his heart. "I don't know what I'm capable of... and you deserve more than that." 

"Maybe..." He spoke slowly and as he did, he unclenched his fingers, reached out and took her hand in his. It may have been freezing but he didn't let that stop him, didn't let it go. "Maybe that's my choice." 

"Joe..."

He shook his head, cut her off. "Cecile is a wonderful person." They'd been friends for a long time, had flirted harmlessly for years before things had taken a change recently. "She's beautiful and smart and caring and there are a hundred reasons why we'd be good together." His fingers tightened on hers. "But she's not Caitlin Snow."

"What if..." Her voice was so quiet he could hardly hear her. "What if I'm not Caitlin Snow any more either?"

Joe reached out with his free hand, touched her cheek gently. "Sweetheart, you're still you... no matter what powers you might have, no matter what you might think... you're still you." Leaning in slowly, giving her time to pull away if she wanted to, he brought his lips to hers, kissing her slowly, carefully, the way he'd dreamed about kissing her for the last few months. She gave the tiniest of sobs and then she was kissing him back, one of her hands going to the back of his head, holding him in place. He felt wet on his cheeks and he didn't know which of them was crying and when he drew back, rested his forehead against hers, he got his answer - both of them. 

"You need to be sure," she whispered and he didn't blink. 

"I'm sure." He'd been sure since the first time he'd kissed her like this and nothing in the last few months had changed his mind. "We're going to get through this, Caitlin... together." 

There was another of those little sobs and she threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in the crook of his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispered and he kissed the top of her head.

"It's gonna be ok," he told her and he meant every word. 

After all, they'd done the impossible before. They just needed to do it one more time.


End file.
